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New Year, New You
Bryan Wisdom, MDiv, MA, LLMFT
6 Tips for Making Your Resolutions a Reality
Why publish an article on New Year’s resolutions in February? Simple. February is the time we all start to fail and give up!
The arrival of a new year often inspires us to make positive changes in our lives and relationships. From losing weight to quitting smoking to going on more dates, we make resolutions with the best of intentions. However, many of us struggle to keep these promises to ourselves and we find ourselves back at square one by February. If you’re ready to turn your resolutions into reality, read on for 6 tips that can help you make this the year you achieve your goals.
One: Turn Your Dreams into Goals
A dream is a wish or hope that you have. You may want it really really badly. But just because we want something doesn’t mean that we are going to get it! Take time to turn your dreams and resolutions into actionable goals. Try to figure out a way for those goals to be measured and tracked. Break them down so you can take small steps and mark progress and celebrate early wins.
Two: Review Your Resolutions Every Day
Here’s the rule: what gets attention, gets action.
Pretty simple. If you forget it, you’ll miss it. So, review those resolutions often. Where will you keep the list to ensure you see it every day?
Think about how you can narrow the gap between where you are today and where you want to be tomorrow. Then do it.
Three: Create a Support System of Like-Minded People
Goal-setters need other goal-setters for understanding and encouragement. There are at least 3 types of relationships that could be helpful to you:
- Peers: Who do you hang out with? How do you spend your social time? Can you cultivate friendships with people who will spur you on to action? A group of goal-setting and goal-communicating peers is a powerful thing. Even one is better than none.
- Mentors: If you can find individuals who have already achieved things on your list, ask them for tips. What did they do that was helpful? What did they try that didn’t work?
- Coaches: A life coach can help you create and work toward a plan of action for your personal resolutions. There are many life coaches out there, all you need to find one is a quick internet search. Look for a coach who has both training and experience—personally I prefer licensed therapists. Most coaches have some training, but the difference is therapists’ training met three levels of standards: the university graduate level program they completed, the state they were licensed in, and the profession to which they belong. By virtue of their profession, therapists also adhere to a higher standard of ethics, accountability, and confidentiality than non-therapist life coaches. Many therapists I know are trained in life coaching.
Four: Increase Your Energy and Stamina
You are more likely to achieve your personal goals if you have energy and endurance. Generally speaking, here’s what that means:
- Eat healthier: Eating well is about balance, not about deprivation and starvation. Try to eat less sugary sweets, less processed foods, and as many whole foods as you can. I remind myself, “Mother Earth makes better food for me than humans do”. Oh, and eating healthy doesn’t have to be expensive. You don’t have to shop the most expensive grocery store or sign up for a health food delivery program. You can. But you don’t have to.
- Exercise more by doing what you enjoy: Is there anything worse than trying to convince yourself you actually want to walk on a treadmill? When it’s cold, try skiing or snowboarding, ice skating, or—if you want to be inside—join a gym or an aquatics center. When it’s warm, get out in nature—try hiking, cycling, kayaking, or rock climbing; or, get social—find a group that plays soccer or basketball on Saturday mornings. Find what works for you. Are you a person who likes routine or variety? We don’t just exercise to lose weight; we exercise to improve our cardio and pulmonary function (heart and lungs), boost our mental health, and even purge toxins from our body by way of sweat.
- Get the right amount of sleep: The ideal for the average adult is 7-8 hours per night. If something regularly impedes your sleep (sorry, not young children!), like sleep apnea, leg cramps, or an uncomfortable bed, make a plan to correct it. Your immune system suffers when you do not get enough sleep. Insufficient sleep can reduce the body’s production of protective cytokines, which are crucial in defending against infections!
Five: Reduce Stress in Your Life
One of the best ways to reduce stress and anxiety is through traditional talk therapy. A therapist can help you create external strategies to reduce the number of stressors coming your way as well as internal strategies to manage those you simply must handle.
Another great idea, is to begin a journey of living more simply. I remember when I discovered The Power of Less by Leo Babauta back in 2008. If you haven’t read it, you should.
Aside from living more simply, you can alleviate stress through practices such as deep breathing, yoga, socializing with friends, reading, journaling, expressing creativity in your preferred medium, or exercise.
Six: Expand Your Focus Time
More time without demand or distraction allows you more time to pursue and achieve these resolutions. The primary ways to do this is are:
- Set healthier boundaries: Start with setting better boundaries around work and unhealthy relationships. If you are unfamiliar with this concept or need a refresher there are many great books, blogs, and podcasts on the subject.
- Reduce your task load: I recommend killing it DEAD. The productivity concept of DEAD comes from another book I highly recommend: What’s Best Next by Matt Perman. The goal here is to reduce non-priorities so we can do what really matters. DEAD is (1) Delegate, (2) Eliminate, (3) Automate, and (4) Defer.
- Minimize distraction: You will be amazed how much more productive and creative you’ll be if you can do this. Eliminate interruptions by turning off your phone, closing email, and minimizing the use of social media during your focused time. You’ll find that you’re able to complete tasks more efficiently and have a greater sense of accomplishment afterward.
Well, that’s it!
If you need help, our team at Restore Therapy is here for you. Contact us at 616-228-9244 or submit a secure contact form to get scheduled with a Restore therapist today!
Bryan R. Wisdom, MDiv, MA, LLMFT is a therapist with Restore Therapy Collective (100% telehealth), and has been involved in helping work for 19+ years. His personal mission is the help others live authentically, make better decisions, develop healthier relationships, and adventure beyond impossible. He loves his wife and kids, counseling, learning, comedy, strategy board games, travel, and outdoor adventures.
Restore Therapy Collective
When I first started as a therapist I struggled to find my footing and feel secure in my new profession. I didn’t realize it right away but it turns out I was going through something that almost everyone does at some point in their life: Imposter Syndrome. A person feeling imposter syndrome will typically experience self-doubt or insecurity in their abilities brought on by transitioning into a new role. In a person’s internal narrative, this might sound like thoughts such as: ● “Am I really good at this?” ● “Is this really where I belong?” ● “Am I doing this right?” ● “Am I making a difference?” This type of thinking arises for many people. At times it may cause anxiety that can lead to unhelpful behaviors. Let’s take some time to run through the most common negative reactions and positive alternatives to manage these anxieties. Putting Up Defenses Defensiveness is a normal reaction given the fact that you’ve likely worked really hard to get where you are. It’s crazy how a simple question like, ”how old are you?”, can set this into motion. Defending does not typically allow for growth, it’s often a band aid on insecurity. Antidote: Be Honest with Yourself and Others Despite the urge to defend I would encourage you to welcome the questions and validate the concern behind them. I’ve learned through experience that others care less about what you’ve done and more about whether you’re willing to acknowledge an age gap or be honest when put on the spot. One of my newer go to responses is “It makes sense that you’d ask that question. I want to ensure you feel secure in our work together and although I can’t promise that, I’m hopeful that that might be something that would come with time”. I can try to defend my schooling, talent, and list the training I’ve been to but I’d recommend when the urge to defend shows up, set it to the side to acknowledge the feeling that might be behind the question being asked. Feeling Lost There are often moments with imposter syndrome where our mind questions our abilities and instincts. This can lead to uncertainty with direction and wavering with decision making. With anything new in life a lack of clarity can occur. Feeling directionless can often leave us playing it too safe or unsure of what our next move should be. Antidote: Mentorship In moments when you are really struggling with feeling like you are fumbling through I would encourage you to seek out mentorship. Find someone who has been in the role you are currently in for a long time. You will likely be pleased to discover they once went through exactly what you are experiencing now. These connections not only make you feel less alone but can be valuable opportunities to learn and bond with people around you. Insecurity At times we can struggle with our confidence when in a new role. This can look like self-doubt or second guessing. This can be an internal battle but it is often visible to those we interact with within our new role. Despite urges to keep this feeling internal there can be useful ways to express what’s going on to be able to move forward. Antidote: Seek Candid Feedback One of the ways to know how you’re doing and learn from mistakes is to ask for feedback. This was a mistake I made in the first few months of being a therapist. I thought that at times asking for input made me look like I lacked confidence. In reality getting client’s feedback and input has made me feel more secure in being able to meet needs and tailor what I do to be more beneficial. I encourage you to ask for feedback even when it’s uncomfortable and look to others for input and run with it to make small changes day by day. Over the course of time this can make a big difference in gaining confidence and feeling secure. Some people like to use the phrase “fake it til you make it”. When imposter syndrome shows up anxiety or at times panic are normal reactions and responses that most people experience, you don’t have to hide this or fake confidence. Instead of allowing these feelings to manifest as unhelpful behaviors, be honest about where you’re at, seek out support, and elicit feedback that will help you make changes along the way. Rachel Schelhaas, LMSW is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Rachel enjoys working with clients to increase their insight and understanding of themselves in order to bring their best self to the relationships that matter most. In her spare time you can catch Rachel going for long walks, cooking a tasty meal, reading an audio book, or searching for unique finds at the thrift store.
I can’t set a boundary with my mom. I can’t run a 5K. I can’t go to the grocery store alone. These are examples of typical statements we say to ourselves, likely even several times a day. Even though the content can vary depending on the person, the end result is the same. The typical statements above, if said often enough contribute to even more negative self-thoughts. These negative thoughts can make us feel stuck if left unchecked. Negative thoughts prevent us from seeing new possibilities in our life and get in the way of making changes. One of the things that can help us get unstuck is to change our mindset by changing the words we say to ourselves. Since we’re the person we spend the most time with, it is important to speak to ourselves the same way we would want others to speak to us. To foster a change in these thoughts, it needs to be habitual, consistent, and reliable self-talk. This may be difficult at first as we tend to ignore how limiting and impactful our negative thoughts can be. Sometimes one small change in the words we say to ourselves can open our minds to the possibility that the way we speak to ourselves has a large impact on the way we feel. This impact can even help us define our goals more clearly and create a clearer image of who we really are or strive to be. Sometimes our goals are specific: I want to run a 5K for the Halloween Fun Run. Sometimes they start broader: I want to increase my self-esteem. I’ve found that often before we even start to act on the goals and develop a plan, we need to tackle the obstacles, in this case, the negative phrases that we tell ourselves, each day such as: I’m not a good guitar player. I’m not a good conversationalist. I’ve never had a good relationship. My challenge for you is to open your mind to the possibility that the words we say impact the way we grow and change. The first step is to convince your brain to open the door to these foreign words that can strengthen our confidence to change. When I work with clients, sometimes they will voice self-limiting phrases that they believe to be 100% true At the end of their statement, I’ll pause, and gently add the word, ‘yet’. They often smile and recognize that the stuck feeling they feel ends as soon as see the choice between ‘never’ and ‘yet’. That even though things feel overwhelming and impossible now, there is a potential that things could be different, maybe even better down the road. Here's my trick and your challenge. Add the word YET at the end of your negative thought: I can’t set a boundary with my mom. YET. I can’t run a 5K. YET. I can’t go to the grocery store alone. YET. I’m not a good guitar player. YET. I’m not a good conversationalist. YET. I’ve never had a good relationship. YET. Does that feel different? This small change gives your brain the message that another option is possible, and it has the potential for big change. That you can experience a different outcome by changing or adding a word. That you aren’t stuck in always being the same, forever. Once your brain believes that a different thought is even possible, you can start to explore new options and how you’re going to get there. It is a kinder, more compassionate, more patient way of gently reminding yourself that growth is possible every day. Then you’ll be able to catch yourself more regularly, changing your negative thoughts to more hopeful and compassionate ones. What thought are you going to add the word ‘yet’ to? Your homework for the week is to catch yourself thinking a negative self-thought. Then add the word ‘yet’ and see what happens. This small change is the minimum amount that you deserve. You are worth making this change and adding more self-kindness into your life. It’s a small change that will add up to big possibilities. Now get started on loving yourself the way you would love others. Jen Hutchings, Ph.D, LMFT is a Therapist and Clinical Supervisor at Restore Therapy Collective. Jen started Restore as as way to help clients heal and grow through struggles in their life by connecting them with excellent, caring therapists. In her free time, Jen hangs out with with family and friends, snuggles her pets, and is always on the search for the perfect cup of tea.
Tracking your mood can have many positive benefits for your mental health and overall well-being. Here are some reasons why you might consider starting a mood tracking practice: 1. Increased self-awareness: Tracking your mood can help you become more aware of your emotions and how they change over time. This can help you identify patterns and triggers that affect your mood, allowing you to take proactive steps to manage your emotions. 2. Improved mental health: Mood tracking can help you identify when you are feeling down or anxious, allowing you to take action to improve your mental health. It can also help you recognize when you are feeling good, which can boost your mood and increase your motivation to continue healthy habits. 3. Better communication: Sharing your mood tracking data with a therapist, family member, or friend can help you better communicate your emotions and needs. This can lead to improved relationships and a greater sense of support. 4. Increased accountability: When you track your mood, you are holding yourself accountable for your emotional well-being. This can help you stay motivated to engage in healthy behaviors such as exercise, meditation, or therapy. 5. Improved decision-making: Tracking your mood can help you make better decisions based on how you are feeling. For example, if you are feeling stressed, you may choose to take a break or engage in a stress-reducing activity instead of pushing through and potentially worsening your mood. Some of our favorite mood tracking apps include: How We Feel , Moodfit , and Daylio . If you prefer a good old fashioned pen and paper approach, daily planners and calendars c an be perfect tools for tracking your mood! Overall, tracking your mood can have many positive benefits for your mental health and well-being. It is a simple and effective way to become more self-aware, manage your emotions, and improve your overall quality of life. Samantha Stratchan, MA, LLMFT is a 100% telehealth therapist at Restore. Call 616-228-9244 or submit a secure contact form to schedule your intake today!