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When I first started as a therapist I struggled to find my footing and feel secure in my new profession. I didn’t realize it right away but it turns out I was going through something that almost everyone does at some point in their life: Imposter Syndrome. A person feeling imposter syndrome will typically experience self-doubt or insecurity in their abilities brought on by transitioning into a new role. In a person’s internal narrative, this might sound like thoughts such as: ● “Am I really good at this?” ● “Is this really where I belong?” ● “Am I doing this right?” ● “Am I making a difference?” This type of thinking arises for many people. At times it may cause anxiety that can lead to unhelpful behaviors. Let’s take some time to run through the most common negative reactions and positive alternatives to manage these anxieties. Putting Up Defenses Defensiveness is a normal reaction given the fact that you’ve likely worked really hard to get where you are. It’s crazy how a simple question like, ”how old are you?”, can set this into motion. Defending does not typically allow for growth, it’s often a band aid on insecurity. Antidote: Be Honest with Yourself and Others Despite the urge to defend I would encourage you to welcome the questions and validate the concern behind them. I’ve learned through experience that others care less about what you’ve done and more about whether you’re willing to acknowledge an age gap or be honest when put on the spot. One of my newer go to responses is “It makes sense that you’d ask that question. I want to ensure you feel secure in our work together and although I can’t promise that, I’m hopeful that that might be something that would come with time”. I can try to defend my schooling, talent, and list the training I’ve been to but I’d recommend when the urge to defend shows up, set it to the side to acknowledge the feeling that might be behind the question being asked. Feeling Lost There are often moments with imposter syndrome where our mind questions our abilities and instincts. This can lead to uncertainty with direction and wavering with decision making. With anything new in life a lack of clarity can occur. Feeling directionless can often leave us playing it too safe or unsure of what our next move should be. Antidote: Mentorship In moments when you are really struggling with feeling like you are fumbling through I would encourage you to seek out mentorship. Find someone who has been in the role you are currently in for a long time. You will likely be pleased to discover they once went through exactly what you are experiencing now. These connections not only make you feel less alone but can be valuable opportunities to learn and bond with people around you. Insecurity At times we can struggle with our confidence when in a new role. This can look like self-doubt or second guessing. This can be an internal battle but it is often visible to those we interact with within our new role. Despite urges to keep this feeling internal there can be useful ways to express what’s going on to be able to move forward. Antidote: Seek Candid Feedback One of the ways to know how you’re doing and learn from mistakes is to ask for feedback. This was a mistake I made in the first few months of being a therapist. I thought that at times asking for input made me look like I lacked confidence. In reality getting client’s feedback and input has made me feel more secure in being able to meet needs and tailor what I do to be more beneficial. I encourage you to ask for feedback even when it’s uncomfortable and look to others for input and run with it to make small changes day by day. Over the course of time this can make a big difference in gaining confidence and feeling secure. Some people like to use the phrase “fake it til you make it”. When imposter syndrome shows up anxiety or at times panic are normal reactions and responses that most people experience, you don’t have to hide this or fake confidence. Instead of allowing these feelings to manifest as unhelpful behaviors, be honest about where you’re at, seek out support, and elicit feedback that will help you make changes along the way. Rachel Schelhaas, LMSW is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. Rachel enjoys working with clients to increase their insight and understanding of themselves in order to bring their best self to the relationships that matter most. In her spare time you can catch Rachel going for long walks, cooking a tasty meal, reading an audio book, or searching for unique finds at the thrift store.

I can’t set a boundary with my mom. I can’t run a 5K. I can’t go to the grocery store alone. These are examples of typical statements we say to ourselves, likely even several times a day. Even though the content can vary depending on the person, the end result is the same. The typical statements above, if said often enough contribute to even more negative self-thoughts. These negative thoughts can make us feel stuck if left unchecked. Negative thoughts prevent us from seeing new possibilities in our life and get in the way of making changes. One of the things that can help us get unstuck is to change our mindset by changing the words we say to ourselves. Since we’re the person we spend the most time with, it is important to speak to ourselves the same way we would want others to speak to us. To foster a change in these thoughts, it needs to be habitual, consistent, and reliable self-talk. This may be difficult at first as we tend to ignore how limiting and impactful our negative thoughts can be. Sometimes one small change in the words we say to ourselves can open our minds to the possibility that the way we speak to ourselves has a large impact on the way we feel. This impact can even help us define our goals more clearly and create a clearer image of who we really are or strive to be. Sometimes our goals are specific: I want to run a 5K for the Halloween Fun Run. Sometimes they start broader: I want to increase my self-esteem. I’ve found that often before we even start to act on the goals and develop a plan, we need to tackle the obstacles, in this case, the negative phrases that we tell ourselves, each day such as: I’m not a good guitar player. I’m not a good conversationalist. I’ve never had a good relationship. My challenge for you is to open your mind to the possibility that the words we say impact the way we grow and change. The first step is to convince your brain to open the door to these foreign words that can strengthen our confidence to change. When I work with clients, sometimes they will voice self-limiting phrases that they believe to be 100% true At the end of their statement, I’ll pause, and gently add the word, ‘yet’. They often smile and recognize that the stuck feeling they feel ends as soon as see the choice between ‘never’ and ‘yet’. That even though things feel overwhelming and impossible now, there is a potential that things could be different, maybe even better down the road. Here's my trick and your challenge. Add the word YET at the end of your negative thought: I can’t set a boundary with my mom. YET. I can’t run a 5K. YET. I can’t go to the grocery store alone. YET. I’m not a good guitar player. YET. I’m not a good conversationalist. YET. I’ve never had a good relationship. YET. Does that feel different? This small change gives your brain the message that another option is possible, and it has the potential for big change. That you can experience a different outcome by changing or adding a word. That you aren’t stuck in always being the same, forever. Once your brain believes that a different thought is even possible, you can start to explore new options and how you’re going to get there. It is a kinder, more compassionate, more patient way of gently reminding yourself that growth is possible every day. Then you’ll be able to catch yourself more regularly, changing your negative thoughts to more hopeful and compassionate ones. What thought are you going to add the word ‘yet’ to? Your homework for the week is to catch yourself thinking a negative self-thought. Then add the word ‘yet’ and see what happens. This small change is the minimum amount that you deserve. You are worth making this change and adding more self-kindness into your life. It’s a small change that will add up to big possibilities. Now get started on loving yourself the way you would love others.  Jen Hutchings, Ph.D, LMFT is a Therapist and Clinical Supervisor at Restore Therapy Collective. Jen started Restore as as way to help clients heal and grow through struggles in their life by connecting them with excellent, caring therapists. In her free time, Jen hangs out with with family and friends, snuggles her pets, and is always on the search for the perfect cup of tea.

Tracking your mood can have many positive benefits for your mental health and overall well-being. Here are some reasons why you might consider starting a mood tracking practice: 1. Increased self-awareness: Tracking your mood can help you become more aware of your emotions and how they change over time. This can help you identify patterns and triggers that affect your mood, allowing you to take proactive steps to manage your emotions. 2. Improved mental health: Mood tracking can help you identify when you are feeling down or anxious, allowing you to take action to improve your mental health. It can also help you recognize when you are feeling good, which can boost your mood and increase your motivation to continue healthy habits. 3. Better communication: Sharing your mood tracking data with a therapist, family member, or friend can help you better communicate your emotions and needs. This can lead to improved relationships and a greater sense of support. 4. Increased accountability: When you track your mood, you are holding yourself accountable for your emotional well-being. This can help you stay motivated to engage in healthy behaviors such as exercise, meditation, or therapy. 5. Improved decision-making: Tracking your mood can help you make better decisions based on how you are feeling. For example, if you are feeling stressed, you may choose to take a break or engage in a stress-reducing activity instead of pushing through and potentially worsening your mood. Some of our favorite mood tracking apps include: How We Feel , Moodfit , and Daylio . If you prefer a good old fashioned pen and paper approach, daily planners and calendars c an be perfect tools for tracking your mood! Overall, tracking your mood can have many positive benefits for your mental health and well-being. It is a simple and effective way to become more self-aware, manage your emotions, and improve your overall quality of life. Samantha Stratchan, MA, LLMFT is a 100% telehealth therapist at Restore. Call 616-228-9244 or submit a secure contact form to schedule your intake today!

R.E.S.T. Find Out What It Means To Me?

6 Tips for Making Your Resolutions a Reality

Recently a friend of mine asked what I missed about home when I shared my plans of visiting Turkey after not being home for a few years. I had this pressure to list all the cool places to visit and events to go, or museums/historical sights to see, or whatever you are supposed to do when you go to a different country. I felt like I had to say that, but what came out of my mind was just the "simplicity of things". Simply being in my childhood home with my family around. Going to the bakery in the morning to get fresh bread and stopping by the local butcher to grab something to make for lunch that day. Going out for a random lunch with my family and spending two or three hours sipping wine without rushing to my next destination. That is what I miss about home. Is that too unrealistic of a lifestyle to create here in the United States? How do you create simplicity in your own life? Why do I crave that so much but fail to make it my lifestyle here despite my longing for it? Now I get that sipping wine for 2 hours during lunchtime may not fit well with my work schedule for many obvious reasons. But is it possible for me to incorporate some of the simplicities that helps me feel more grounded and live in the present moment? I think I have to give it a try. It is so interesting how I find myself getting "antsy" and even guilty when I spend a couple hours doing simply nothing. I feel the same pressure or feelings of guilt when I visit home and when I have three hour long breakfast by the Bosphorus Bridge in Istanbul with my family I have not seen in a while. Why the guilt? Does not it sound so magical? Being in a city, my beautiful home, the city that lies on two continents. Why is there any room for negative feelings? It makes me ponder about the origins of this negative belief system. "I need to be productive in order to enjoy the beautiful things life has to offer". Every moment I spend without doing something constructive, I feel this intense discomfort. Even if I am on vacation and don't have anything else on the agenda, but to rest and enjoy life. It should not feel wrong, but it does. I decided that I will not wait to be on "vacation" and create simple pleasures each day to look forward to, because I deserve it. My value is not dependent on the level of productivity I have each day. I come from a culture in which you eat food because it's enjoyable, not simply to feed and nourish yourself or so that you have sustenance for the next couple hours when you need to get so much work done. You do not meet your friends at the gym and try to have a conversation as you are running on the treadmill (How does one even do that?) because that is the only time you get. You meet them for coffee and spend hours talking and laughing and somehow talking about things you have not thought about in a while. Because there is no stress or anxiety of having to be somewhere soon, so you get to dive deep and get curious, explore, contemplate, ponder, maybe cry a little, and feel alive, not just go through the motions and constantly feel like you are in a race. There is a reason I chose to live far away from home and so far away from my family. I appreciate everything life has to offer in United States. I love the structure, organization, and the strong work ethic among many other things. But I find myself getting sucked in to the routine everyone around me seems to be complaining about, but maybe it's time to stop normalizing working overtime and not getting enough sleep. I get that sometimes you don't have the luxury to take your time and slow down, that you got bills to pay, meetings to attend, children to take care of. But maybe it does not have to be so black and white. I am thinking maybe I can take an hour lunch and meet with a friend I have not seen in a while. I can leave work at a decent time to go home and cook/enjoy a meal I make for myself rather than passing out on the couch after a long day of work and skipping dinner, because I sometimes don't even have the energy to eat. And I read back that last sentence again, that is pretty sad; not having the energy to eat. That is not why I sacrificed being away from home and my beautiful family all these years. It is so that I create a life that I enjoy along with aforementioned qualities I love and appreciate about the American culture. I encourage you to also rethink and reorganize your own life and prioritize yourself, simply because you deserve it. So, how are you going to simplify your own life?  Hande Walker, MA, LLP is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. In her free time Hande enjoys long walks or a hike in the nature. Besides spending time with friends and family, Hande loves reading-especially psychological thriller books. To schedule an appointment with Hande, please send a secure message through our contact form .

Most of us have experienced that gut wrenching feeling in response to rejection, abandonment, or feeling unaccepted. Why do we try so hard to avoid these experiences at all costs? For very good reasons, of course. Did you know that the same brain regions are getting activated when you are rejected (social pain) and when you are in physical pain? Florence Williams talks about the impact of heartbreak on the heart, digestive, and immune systems in her book. It is very interesting to see that emotional pain is not just something you experience psychologically, but that it causes a myriad of physical symptoms. We are wired to feel accepted, to be loved, and to belong. Think about being picked last when choosing teams in high school. Being ghosted by a romantic partner. Not being invited to your friend’s wedding. We’ve all been there! Feeling hurt, lonely, guilty, embarrassed, depressed, angry, hopeless… How do you respond to such situations? Perhaps you find culprit within you and think “ I am too weak to be feeling this way. It should not feel that bad or this painful. I was only dating them for a few months”. Or are you in denial, proclaiming “I’ve never really wanted this job anyway”. Maybe you avoid relationships and fear attachment? Running away the moment you sense that things are getting serious? Sometimes relatively insignificant life events can trigger past hurts and attachment injuries with primary caregivers. For instance, if you got rejected in a social situation, it may bring up past memories of emotional neglect. The messages you’ve internalized from childhood can resurface as a result of current life experiences. Then the question becomes “What are these messages you’ve internalized that are impacting the way you relate to others today? What meaning did you make to the childhood abuse or neglect you’ve been through?” That you are not deserving of love, you do not matter, or are not worthy? Although it is natural to feel sad, depressed, embarrassed, and even temporarily lose your confidence as a response to rejection, it may be helpful to seek help from a mental health professional if it is causing you to avoid relationships or preventing you from connecting with others in a deeper way. Therapy can also be really helpful in identifying these negative core beliefs established in childhood and prevent these deeply instilled beliefs from being self-fulfilling prophecies. If you are interested in reading more about the impact of heartache on your health, you can read Florence William’s book Heartbreak . Hande Walker, MA, LLP is a therapist at Restore Therapy Collective. In her free time Hande enjoys long walks or a hike in the nature. Besides spending time with friends and family, Hande loves reading-especially psychological thriller books. To schedule an appointment with Hande, please send a secure message through our contact form .

I’m going to come right out and say it:  some of your relationships might not be very good for you.

In my last blog I outlined the mental health challenges facing our teens today. From unlimited screen time and social media, to overparenting and uber organized lives that leave little time for self-directed activity. The concept of internal locus of control suggests that kids and teens need age-appropriate freedoms and training in order to achieve the developmental task of self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is simply defined as one’s belief that they have the power to affect positive outcomes that influence their well-being. With a strong sense of self-efficacy, a person is able to engage challenges in life as an opportunity for mastery rather than a threat to avoid. Imagine your teen (or yourself) approaching a problem as an opportunity for mastery rather than a threat to avoid. Again, teens with an internal locus of control are more willing to engage and overcome challenges because they have developed the belief that they are capable of reaching a positive outcome. On the contrary, teens with a predominantly external locus of control have learned that the conditions around them are responsible for the outcome. You can see which group is better suited to solve academic challenges, adapt to a new social group, build a satisfying relationship, or learn a new job.